Husband 1.0

Husband Upgradation

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the performance of flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running NAGGING 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Desperate


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Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2.

Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Television 6.1. Television 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Loud noises ( WAV files) and does not get deleted.

DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Cheerfulness 2.0.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

Software Support Call Center

1). Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.“

Customer “Ok.“

Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?“

Customer: “No.“

Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?“

Customer “No.“

Tech Support:: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?“

Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click‘ and I wrote ‘click‘.“


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2) Customer: “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.“

Tech Support:: “Did you install the update?“

Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?“


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3).Customer:: “I‘m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.“

Tech Support:: “Tell me what you‘ve done.“

Customer: “I typed ‘A:SETUP‘.“

Tech Support:: “Ma‘am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.“

Customer:: “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk‘.“

Tech Support:: “Insert the MS Word setup disk.“

Customer:: “What?“

Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?“

Customer: “No...“


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4).Customer:: “Do I need a computer to use your software?“

Tech Support:: ?!%#$


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5).Tech Support:: “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the ‘OK‘ button displayed?“

Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?“


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6) Tech Support:: “What type of computer do you have?“

Customer:: “A white one.“


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7). Tech Support:: “Type ‘A:‘ at the prompt.“

Customer:: “How do you spell that?“


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8). Tech Support: “What‘s on your screen right now?“

Customer: “A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.“


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9). Tech Support:: “What operating system are you running?“

Customer: “Pentium.“


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10). Customer: “My computer‘s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.“


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11).Customer: “I have Microsoft Exploder.“


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12).Customer: “How do I print my voicemail?“


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13). Customer: “You‘ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won‘t boot properly.“

Tech Support: “What does it say?“

Customer: “Something about an error and non-system disk.“

Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?“

Customer: “No, but there‘s a sticker saying there‘s an Intel inside.“


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14). Tech Support: “Just call us back if there‘s a problem. We‘re open 24 hours.“

Customer: “Is that Eastern time?“


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15). Tech Support:: “What does the screen say now?“

Customer: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready‘.“

Tech Support:: “Well?“

Customer: “How do I know when it‘s ready?“