U.S. Army

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once." - Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies

(And lastly)

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." -- U.S.A. Ammo Troop

Genral Motors vs Microsoft

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest:

As you shall make your bed so shall you... mess it up.

Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the... bug is close.

It's always darkest before... daylight savings time.

Never underestimate the power of... termites.

You can lead a horse to water but... how?

Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty.

No news is... impossible.

A miss is as good as a... Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new... math.

If you lie down with the dogs, you'll... stink in the morning.

Love all, trust... me.

The pen is mightier than the... pigs.

An idle mind is... the best way to relax.

Where there's smoke, there's... pollution.

Happy the bride who... gets all the presents!

A penny saved is... not much.

Two's company, three's... the Musketeers.

Don't put off tomorrow what... you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and... you have to blow your nose.

None are so blind as... Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.

You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box.

When the blind leadeth the blind... get out of the way.

There is no fool like... Aunt Eddie.At a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, GM issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you have would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

No Pointers in Java

In an interview a candidate was asked the question "Why don't we have
pointers in JAVA?" to which he replied like this:

"I married a widow who had a grown-up daughter. My father, who
visited us quite often, fell in love with my step daughter and
married Her. Hence, my father became my son-in-law, and my
step-daughter became my mother. Some months later, my wife gave birth
to a son, who became the brother in law of my father as well as my
uncle. "

"The wife of my father, that is my step daughter, also had a son.
Thereby, I got a brother and at the same time a grandson. My wife is
my grandmother, since she is my mother's mother. Hence, I am my
wife's husband and at the same time her step-grandson; in other
words, I am
my own grandfather. "

"I guess that's why we don't have pointers in Java..."

Proverbs by a 5th Grader

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest:

As you shall make your bed so shall you... mess it up.

Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the... bug is close.

It's always darkest before... daylight savings time.

Never underestimate the power of... termites.

You can lead a horse to water but... how?

Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty.

No news is... impossible.

A miss is as good as a... Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new... math.

If you lie down with the dogs, you'll... stink in the morning.

Love all, trust... me.

The pen is mightier than the... pigs.

An idle mind is... the best way to relax.

Where there's smoke, there's... pollution.

Happy the bride who... gets all the presents!

A penny saved is... not much.

Two's company, three's... the Musketeers.

Don't put off tomorrow what... you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and... you have to blow your nose.

None are so blind as... Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.

You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box.

When the blind leadeth the blind... get out of the way.

There is no fool like... Aunt Eddie.

Are you a tehcnical geek?

You know you are a tehcnical geek when . . .

When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply "Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs!"

When driving you see a license plate with the letters DSR, and you feel compelled to touch your bumper to the other car to see if you can raise CD.

When you are counting objects "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

When you lay down in the afternoon for a short rest, end up sleeping 4 hours, and call it a "mega-nap".

When your friend is going to Essex for vacation and you tell her, "You really should go for the DX, it has the built in co-processor."

When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When you convince yourself that Tetris really does improve eye-hand coordination.

When the radio traffic reporter talks about a backup caused by a crash, and you correct her that a backup is good protection in case of a crash.

When floppy drive applies more to your love life, and hard drive to your machines.

When you call "*.*" star-dot-star.

When you can do hexadecimal arithmatic in your head.

When your wife goes to the market for some macintosh apples, and you correct her, "No, dear, it's 'Apple Macintosh'."

When your wife says "If you don't turn off that stupid machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.

I've Learned

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care about most in life are sometimes taken from you too soon

Just Think

Today before you think of saying an unkind word
Think of someone who can't speak

Before you complain about the taste of your food
Think of someone who has nothing to eat

Before you complain about your husband or wife
Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion

Today before you complain about life
Think of someone who went too early to heaven

Before you complain about your children
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren

Before you argue about your dirty house; someone didn't clean or sweep
Think of the people who are living in the streets

Before whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet

And when you are tired and complain about your job
Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another
Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down
Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around

Live Life Fully

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, "I don't get it!

You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood.

I choose to be in a good mood."

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.

You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."

I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw him about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins...Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

He continued, "..the paramedics were great.

They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said John. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'."

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." .

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Why does it happen in love?

Log kehte hai ki ladkiyan zindagi hoti hai mout nahi,
Magar wo log ye kyon bhool jaate hai,
Ki dhoka bhi zindagi hi deti hai mout nahi..!!

Ek lamhe mein unhone hamari zindagi sawar di,
Ek lamhe mein unhone hamari zindagi ujaad di,
Kasoor unka nahi hamara hai,
Jo un 2 lamho mein humne apni zindagi guzar di..!!

Hasne ke baad kyo rulati hai duniya,
Jaane ke baad kyo bulati hai duniya,
Zindagi mein kya kuch kasar baki thi,
Jo marne ke baad bhi jalati hai duniya..!!

Ae ishq ye sab duniyawale bekar ki baatein karte hai,
Payal ke gamo ka ilm nahi,
Jhankar ki baatein karte hai,
Koi pooche unse gum ke maze,
Jo pyar ki baatein karte hai..!!

Paas aakar sabhi door chale jaate hai,
Hum akele the akele reh jaate hai,
Dil ka dard kise dikhaye,
Murham lagaane wale hi zakhm de jaate hai..!!

Wo hamare nahi to kya gum hai,
Hum to unhi ke liye hai ye kya kam hai,
Na gum kam hai na aansoo kam hai,
Dekhte hai rulanewalo mein kitna dum hai..!!!

25 Places to say Happy Birthday

1. Write a birthday message on a driveway or sidewalk using chalks

2. Say it on a post-it-note

3. Send birthday wishes by e-mail or fax

4. Write it with icing on a cake or a big cookie

5. Put it on a note inside someone's lunch or in their pocket

6. Write it on a steamed up bathroom mirror using your finger

7. On a frosty window using your fingernail

8. Record it on an answering machine

9. Sneak birthday wishes inside a fortune cookie

10. Call your local radio station with a special birthday song dedication

11. Tape your birthday message on a cassette with an invitation to dinner or…? Leave it in a car tape deck as a surprise.

12. Send a heartfelt letter by snail mail with a handmade or bought gift certificate.

13. Create an enormous jumbo sized birthday card. Add photos, funny keepsakes and jazz it up with our Birthday, Girls Rule, Boy Stuff, or Over the Hill Stickers!

14. Say it on a Starbucks Memory Tumbler. My daughter Katie bought me one of these insulated mugs one Christmas and inserted a scrapbook page she made with copies of photos from my childhood. The mug comes with a template, so you can make and insert new memorabilia to suit the season or occasion. I've also seen kid's mugs you can decorate this way at craft stores.

15. Print a birthday message with a photo on a T-shirt, mouse pad, pillowcase or other blank surface. You likely have a local place that offers this service, or you can buy printable supplies and do it yourself. See ideas here: http://store.yahoo.com/thecraftypc/products.html

16. Say it in an ad in a local paper that your loved one reads.

17. Write a birthday message with 'glow in the dark' pens or paints on a pillowcase or somewhere (ceiling) your loved one will see it. Little kids will love reading these glowing words. You could write: Happy Birthday, You light up our life!

18. Tape a happy birthday note to the bottom of a clear glass. Fill it with a favorite beverage for a loved one to find and read later.

19. Write birthday messages on balloons with permanent markers, or simply decorate some balloons with our Heartwarming Expressions Stickers and create a birthday bouquet.

20. Make a keepsake bookmark, listing the date and their age, along with your birthday wishes. Tuck it inside a new book by their favorite author.

21. Buy a journal and record a birthday message with a special memory of the birthday person. A child would love a story about the day they were born.

22. Buy a scrapbook album and include a promise to make a scrapbook layout of the birthday. Bring your camera and take fun birthday photos.

23. Go extravagant. Put it on a local billboard, on the side of a sky blimp, or written by a sky writer to read while having a picnic.

24. Go simple. Write happy birthday on a beach in the sand with a stick, or spell it out in small shells or rocks.

25. Do a documentary on the life of someone you love honoring them. You can have old videos, favorite photographs and even scrapbook pages edited and put on a video cassette. You can gather a group of people to sing Happy Birthday and record their own personal birthday wishes and messages. This can be especially thoughtful if you are miles away from someone you love during their birthday. The sight and sound of loved ones is irreplaceable. Decorate the video cassette box with birthday stickers and photocopies of favorite photographs.