How To Catch a Lion?

Ø Newton's Method: Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion.

Ø Einstein Method: Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.

Ø Software Engineer Method: Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

Ø Indian Police Method: Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.

Ø Rajnikanth Method : Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

Ø Jayalalitha Method: Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !

Ø Manirathnam Method (director): Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted. Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

Ø Karan Johar Method (director): Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness(third) into the forest. You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont !

Ø Yash Chopra method (director): Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

Ø Govinda method: Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.

Ø Menaka Gandhi method: save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

Ø George bush method: Link the lion with osama bin laden and shoot him!!! Ø Ravi Shastri method: Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run .

Experience Speaks

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

- David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

- Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

- Kailash M

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

- Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

- Kailash M

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

- Kailash M

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

- Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

- Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

- James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." - Patrick MurrayTwo secrets to keep your marriage brimming1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

- Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

- Kailash M

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

- Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

-Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

- Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

- Kailash M

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

- Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

101 Reasons to Smile

01. Call an old friend, just to say hi.

02. Hold a door open for a stranger.

03. Invite someone to lunch.

04. Compliment someone on his or her appearance.

05. Ask a coworker for their opinion on a project.

06. Bring cookies to work.

07. Let someone cut in during rush hour traffic.

08. Leave a waitress or waiter a big tip.

09. Tell a cashier to have a nice day.

10. Call your parents.

11. Let someone know you miss them.

12. Treat someone to a movie.

13. Let a person know you really appreciate them.

14. Visit a retirement center.

15. Take a child to the zoo.

16. Fill up your spouse's car with gas.

17. Surprise someone with a small gift.

18. Leave a thank-you note for the cleaning staff at work.

19. Write a letter to a distant relative.

20. Tell someone you thought about them the other day.

21. Put a dime in a stranger's parking meter before the time expires.

22. Bake a cake for a neighbor.

23. Send someone flowers to where they work.

24. Invite a friend to tea.

25. Recommend a good book to someone.

26. Donate clothing to a charity.

27. Offer an elderly person a ride to where they need to go.

28. Bag your own groceries at the checkout counter.

29. Give blood.

30. Offer free baby-sitting to a friend who'sreally busy or just needs a break.

31. Help your neighbor rake leaves or shovel snow.

32. Offer your seat to someone when there aren't any left.

33. Help someone with a heavy load.

34. Ask to see a store's manager and comment on the great service.

35. Give your place in line at the grocery storeto someone who has only a few items.

36. Hug someone in your family for no reason.

37. Wave to a child in the car next to you.

38. Send a thank-you note to your doctor.

39. Repeat something nice you heard about someone else.

40. Leave a joke on someone's answering machine.

41. Be a mentor or coach to someone.

42. Forgive a loan.

43. Fill up the copier machine with paper after you're done using it.

44. Tell someone you believe in them.

45. Share your umbrella on a rainy day.

46. Welcome new neighbors with flowers or a plant.

47. Offer to watch a friend's home while they're away.

48. Ask someone if they need you to pick upanything while you're out shopping.

49. Ask a child to play a board game, and let them win.

50. Ask an elderly person to tell you about the good old days.

51. During bad weather, plan an indoor picnic with the family.

52. Buy someone a goldfish and bowl.

53. Compliment someone on their cooking andpolitely ask for a second helping.

54. Dance with someone who hasn't been asked.

55. Tell someone you mentioned them in your prayers.

56. Give children's clothes to another familywhen your kids outgrow them.

57. Deliver extra vegetables from your gardento the whole neighborhood.

58. Call your spouse just to say, I love you.

59. Call someone's attention to a rainbow or beautiful sunset.

60. Invite someone to go bowling.

61. Figure out someone's half-birthday by adding 182 days,and surprise them with a cake.

62. Ask someone about their children.

63. Tell someone which quality you like most about them.

64. Brush the snow off of the car next to yours.

65. Return your shopping cart to the front of the store.

66. Encourage someone's dream, no matter how big or small it is.

67. Pay for a stranger's cup of coffee without them knowing it.

68. Leave a love letter where your partner will find it.

69. Ask an older person for their advice.

70. Offer to take care of someone's pet while they're away.

71. Tell a child you're proud of them.

72. Visit a sick person, or send them a care package.

73. Join a Big Brother or Sister program.

74. Leave a piece of candy on a coworker's desk.

75. Bring your child to work with you for the afternoon.

76. Give someone a recording of their favorite music.

77. Email a friend some information abouta topic they are especially interested in.

78. Give someone a homemade gift.

79. Write a poem for someone.

80. Bake some cookies for your local fire or police department.

81. Organize a neighborhood cleanup and have a barbecue afterwards.

82. Help a child build a birdhouse or similar project.

83. Check in on an old person, just to see if they're okay.

84. Ask for the recipe after you eat over at someone's house.

85. Personally welcome a new employee at workand offer to take them out for lunch.

86. While in a car, ask everyone to buckle upbecause they are important to you.

87. Let someone else eat the last slice of cake or pizza.

88. Stop and buy a drink from a kid's lemonade stand.

89. Forgive someone when they apologize.

90. Wave to someone looking for a parking space whenyou're about to leave a shopping center.

91. Send a copy of an old photograph to a childhood friend.

92. Leave a pint of your spouse's favorite flavor ofice cream in the freezer with a bow on it.

93. Do a household chore that is usually doneby someone else in the family.

94. Be especially happy for someone whenthey tell you their good news.

95. Compliment a coworker on their role in a successful project.

96. Give your spouse a spontaneous back rub at the end of the day.

97. Serve someone in your family breakfast in bed.

98. Ask someone if they've lost weight.

99. Make a donation to a charity in someone's honor.

100. Take a child to a ballgame. And last, but not least...

101. Spread the message of Smile.....across the Globe ..