Prison Life V/s Full-Time Job

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.

In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.

In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball-and-chained.

In prison you get your own toilet.
At work you have to share.

In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.

In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.

In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work we have managers.

Vajpayee and Bush

Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"

The barman says "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"

Bush says, "We're planning world war 3" The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."

And the guy exclaimed , "A bicycle repairman?!!!"

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"

How To Catch a Lion?

Ø Newton's Method: Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion.

Ø Einstein Method: Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.

Ø Software Engineer Method: Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

Ø Indian Police Method: Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.

Ø Rajnikanth Method : Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

Ø Jayalalitha Method: Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !

Ø Manirathnam Method (director): Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted. Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

Ø Karan Johar Method (director): Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness(third) into the forest. You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont !

Ø Yash Chopra method (director): Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

Ø Govinda method: Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.

Ø Menaka Gandhi method: save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

Ø George bush method: Link the lion with osama bin laden and shoot him!!! Ø Ravi Shastri method: Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run .