Depending on if you choose to stay a loner or not, you will probably have rough waters ahead. The loner life is tough and unstable. The worst part however is the transition with someone of the opposite sex. There are characteristics that normally make you "great" that now make you miserable. Like loyalty, faithfulness, kindness, and caring. The things that make you strong make you week and you just don't understand. You give and give with no expected return. Normally that wouldn't be that big of a deal, but the person you are caring for and wanting to be with and help out so much doesn't really notice. The lack of acknowledgment makes it hard for the relationship to be "2 way". The lack of communication that you are so used to from being a loner now kills you. Your mind starts racing and you start feeling emotions which you aren't used to. You wonder why you feel like this when you know that you're doing everything possible to make things enjoyable for everyone. It bugs you and makes you go crazy! Then you realize... that there are some things (like relationships) that can't be "one sided" you can't have control of the whole situation like normal. You have to rely on others to do their part (which scares you). You start looking back at your loner life and wishing you would have just stayed that way. But then part of your mind keeps telling you that being lonely sucks compared to a happy relationship. You sit and think for hours on end. you don't accomplish anything and you feel like crap. People will offer to help you out but you turn them down because you are used to doing everything yourself. But you haven't been stuck like this before. You aren't used to problems that you just can't solve on your own. You think if there is anyway that you could end things easily and go back to the loner life... but it's too late, you have been affected by another and all you can do now is hope... ...hope that you will show up on the radar. Hope that you can work your way up and be on the other persons mind. You want the chance to be a friend and have fun and joke around. But this person already has really good friends. There is no room for you in that aspect of their life. You think of other ways to be needed. You know that the family will always be there taking up most of the other persons life. You unfortunately have to face the fact that things like sports will take priority over you also. You realize that no matter what the other person says and no matter what they do, they won't understand fully. They won't understand that they aren't fully ready for someone like you. They haven't reached your age or your caliber. You are somewhat trapped in a position that brings you great joy and even greater pain. But you fight on because you never give up. You grit your teeth and decide that you're just tired and going crazy. You decide that you need sleep and you need to stop caring so much, just for a little bit. The other person will be too caught up in things to notice that you are fighting with yourself to focus on yourself once again if only for a few hours so you don't go insane. But you can't help but care for the other person and want to be with them all the time. You want to make them happy, you want to feel the comfort of having them by your side. The comfort that you have been lacking your whole life... The comfort that a loner can never feel (or never feel and want to go back to just being a loner again). You want to make up for all the years that you haven't been able to pamper someone with love and be cared for and pampered in return. You don't want to do anything in fright that you could miss an opportunity with the other person. You anxiously await the times when you have a plan to hang out or even talk. You many times end up waiting for nothing, or for postponement. But it's those few times that you see them that you feed off of. You let everything else slide just to be with the other person while the other person has no idea that anything like this is going on. They don't ever have a second thought about the situation (if they even have a thought). You just decide that you are going to pained like this for awhile. But you will patiently wait out the pain in hopes that the other person will progress or that something might change. You will put yourself in every possible place to open up an opportunity. Your head starts to hurt because you have been thinking and stressing too much and decide to "just relax" and go to sleep before you can talk yourself out of giving yourself a break. For tomorrow is another day! and you can think things through all over again when you wake up.
Source : http://allphilosophy.com/topic/1344
Source : http://allphilosophy.com/topic/1344
